A R’iyah Family Archives Xmas Story by AJ Sherwood
Christmas season had come about which meant, once again, Belphegor had a problem.
Fortunately, he was pretty sure that this year, he also had a solution.
He was topside, for once, visiting Namaah when the directive had been delivered via an imp. Because he didn’t have to arrange a summoning from hell, it was an easy portal over to Bel’s cute Craftsman house in Michigan. He arrived without fanfare on the front step, heard the welcome bark of Nico’s hellhound.
Then the door popped open, Nico opening it with a welcome grin. “Hi, Grandpa!”
He adored that his grandson’s familiars/lovers had adopted him so easily. Nico was all golden retriever energy, he liked everyone, so it wasn’t much of a surprise. “Nico, I’ve got a request for you. Well, you and Wicky.”
“Oh, sure, come in. Uh, hopefully nothing serious?”
The tone indicated Nico would be delighted if dangerous but was willing to do not-dangerous as well.
“Where’re Bel and Garen?” Belphegor leaned down to give the hellhound a good scratch, which the hound appreciated, leaning into his leg for more.
“Oh, shopping.” Nico said as he led the way to the living room, which was a rather short distance. “I’m not to be trusted shopping, apparently, as I don’t take my time to look at things. I’m a speed shopper. I went for a run instead, let them go. So, what’s going on?”
Belphegor took a seat in the living room, quite at home. Then again, he’d spent a lot of time in this house. “Let me explain. All across the world, any child who believes in Santa writes a letter of their requested presents, correct?”
“Right, right.”
“Well, every year we have letters addressed to us instead. Due to either spelling errors, dyslexia, what have you, the letters are addressed to Satan—and so they all come to Lucifer. Lucifer finds this absolutely charming and does his best to fulfill the request, in a demon-appropriate manner, of course.”
Nico sat next to him, eyes as filled with wonder as any child, practically vibrating in place. “I absolutely love where this is going, please continue.”
“The problem is, it’s too much for even Lucifer to deal with all at once. He’s only one person, after all. So he, like Santa Claus does, delegates part of the task to anyone willing to help. I am one such person. Every year, I take about a thousand children’s worth of wishes, and deliver them personally. This year, though, the request came in at a little under three thousand. We’ve apparently had more children than usual misspell the name. I don’t mind, but again, I’m only one person. I can’t possibly manage that much. So, Nico, I come to you asking, will you help me? I think Wicky would be on board as well.”
Nico held up a finger. “Just one question first. Scratch that, two. First question, will we be riding a magical sleigh pulled by hellhounds?”
Belphegor had never done that in his life but, “Absolutely, that’s only appropriate.”
Cackling, Nico did a little seated happy dance before demanding, “Tell me there’s elf costumes. I can only do this in an elf costume.”
As expected, asking Nico had absolutely been the right call. He had the perfect enthusiasm for the mission and the energy to carry it through to the end. “I’m sure we can pull some together.”
“Then sold. Let’s do this.” Nico whipped out his phone and called Wicky. It’d barely rung before Wicky answered. Nico didn’t even try to slow down, just rapidly shot out, “Wicky, Grandpa Bel’s here, we’ve got a mission. The Satan letters instead of Santa really do go to Satan, they’re overloaded with toy requests. Me, you, elf costumes, riding a sleigh pulled by hellhounds.”
Wicky needed only a second to think about this. “Give me like a minute to find my elf ears and I’ll be there with bells on.”
Now, Belphegor’s question was, what kind of elf costume would one wear while accompany one of the damned on a sleigh ride? For that matter, where would he get a sleigh?
Well, surely everything would work out. Lucifer would grant the request of a sleigh just out of the sheer entertainment value.
Nico hung up the phone and looked Belphegor dead in the eye, his expression serious. “Have you read all the letters yet? How many kids want dogs for Christmas?”
“I have not read any of them, and I’m sure there’s several. Why?”
“They’re getting a hellhound, right? I mean, kids need a good dog, and the hellhounds are the best.”
Said hellhound immediately nuzzled into Nico’s lap and gave him a good lick. Got pets and love in return. His former hellhound was clearly blissfully happy in his new home.
But see? This was precisely why Nico was such a good choice.
“Why of course, Nico. Hellhounds for everyone.”
Belphegor would make sure of it.
A Scales ‘n’ Spells Xmas Story by AJ Sherwood
As was tradition in the Burkhard clan, after any major celebration a smaller informal event for mages only was held. A calm, peaceful evening where they could consult with each other (bitch), consume light beverages (wine), and perhaps indulge in a few snacks (leftover cake).
It was a time-honored tradition North was happy to take part of.
He also felt like this was the perfect environment to bring up a long-standing question that was starting to grate.
“Hey,” he addressed the room, “I have a question. Serious question.”
Cassie, ensconced in her favorite armchair near the hearth, two glasses of wine in, was gregarious as she waved him on. “Speak.”
“Why don’t we get hoard rooms?”
Everyone paused as if first surprised, then thoughtful.
Lisette was the one to ask, “For…?”
“For whatever we want to collect. How come the dragons are the only ones who get hoards? I want a hoard! I feel like this whole thing is very unfair.”
The eldest mage in the group opened her mouth and then closed it again, brows furrowed as if she were trying to think of a good reason to argue this but was coming up short. She was also three glasses of wine in which might have had something to do with it.
Tori’s hand shot up into the air. “I want a hoard!”
See? Even Tori saw the unfairness of it all.
“Now wait,” Sora cautioned, “we have to consider space, here. There’s only so much room in this castle, big as it is, and if each mage and dragon got a whole room just for their hoard, we’d outgrow this place very quickly.”
“We’re going to outgrow it quickly anyway,” North argued. “We’re literally at the start of a baby boom. If every couple has, say, two kids, then we’ll need to build additions for the clan by the end of 2025.”
“Hard to argue that,” Cameron admitted and stretched his feet closer to the fire. “Alric and I have talked about that more than once. We’re going to start setting funds aside next quarter, get plans drawn up, all that so we’re not caught short.”
North flung up his hands, vindicated. “See! We’ll need to expand anyway so we need to lock in our hoard rooms now.”
“Makes sense.” Cassie nodded in support of this. “I need more room for my computer stuff anyway.”
“Er.” Cameron held up a staying hand. “If we’re already running out of space, then wouldn’t taking up more space for hoards be counterintuitive?”
Cassie pointed to the glass in his hand. “Finish that. Then argue with us.”
Knowing full well what she was doing, Cameron laughed and downed his vodka in one long pull. Then made a face. “Phew, that was a bit much all at once. Alright. I’m drunker. What am I being talked into signing?”
“So glad you’re amenable now.” Cassie summoned paper to her and started scribbling madly. “Just need you to sign something, brother mine.”
Tori, lounging near her feet, took another sip, his eyes fixated on the ceiling like it held the answers to all. “Oooh, Nikki.”
“Nikki is present,” the mage acknowledged with a flop of the hand. Clearly, sitting up from their current sprawl was asking for too much.
“Weren’t there like, spells to connect spaces together? That we can connect to the unused storage rooms in the basement?”
Nikki managed to lift an eyebrow. “I think…so…? I saw one in Gunter’s books but I dunno how viable it is.”
“It’s okay, Cassie will help us figure it out.”
“Cassie absolutely will,” Cassie agreed before finishing her work with a flourish. “Cameron, come sign this. Now, who’s hoarding what?”
Cameron cackled, lurched across the distance and signed, then snapped his fingers. “Wait! Need the seal. Hang on. Important bit, the seal.”
North, who had already bought about two dozen Nutcrackers and wanted to display them properly, was quick to lend his ruling consort a shoulder. “Here, you’re listing, I’ll help you get to Hoheit’s office.”
“You’re seriously the best, North.” Cameron threw an arm around his shoulders and hung on as they headed for the door. “We’ll be back momentarily, don’t eat all the cake while we’re gone!”
“No promises!” Nikki called after them.
North cackled as they walked. Mage hoards for the win.
~~~
Alric spied a paper with both signature and wax embossed seal at the bottom. Innocuous at first glance, it smelled of trouble. He’d had nothing on his desk the evening before, having cleared off his paperwork for once, so this was something only Cameron could have done, with the seal.
He picked it up, read it through, and groaned. The mages could now requisition a room for their own personal use? For their own hoards?
Alric didn’t need to ask questions to know what had brought this on. Damn the drink and bitch nights. They inevitably ended in trouble.
Now. How did he negotiate around this without pissing off every mage in his clan in one breath…?
It was a puzzle, to be sure.